The 6 Best NBA Players Under 6 Feet
I was looking through ESPN.com's listing of NBA players today because I was wondering how many guys are listed under 6 feet tall. See, NBA players understand the inherent life rule that says that height equals manliness, And because of this basic law of nature you don't even know what you have to do to be listed as below 6 feet by the league. I was only able to find a select few guys and those who do list themselves under 6 feet are all basically midgets who just can't fudge 6 feet even if they stand atop a phone book. So instead of using ESPN.com as my reference, I went to the pre-draft measurements that are found at draftexpress.com. They do the measurements every year and post them on their page. Year after year of data can be checked relatively quickly, it's a pretty cool site.
So while there I checked out the player's realheights, without shoes. Because let's face it little ones, your shoes are not part of your body. They are a mirage the little man uses to boost his little ego. Look, I'm sorry, Napoleon Jr., I really am. So I'm just going to go ahead and take the reigns from Mother Nature and apologizing to you for your small stature. I mean, I'm 6-2 and sometimes I lie awake and wonder how I ever even made it at 6-1. Luckily for me, my manliness was manifest during puberty when I proved I could grow a full beard and stand erect at a height worthy of a male of the species. So again, sorry short stuffs. I'm sure you make up for your vertical challenges with ultra-aggressive behavior like the Badger. Don't worry though, no one can see through that facade, wink wink.
After reading through 20 years of draft history, I got to thinking about how damn incredible you have to be to play in the NBA under 6 feet. I mean, not only did you battle the daily dilemmas that face the short, i.e. getting onto amusement park rides, jealousy of tall people, and having to stand behind 7-4 Mark Eaton at a Paul McCartney concert (let's be honest, that one would even suck for Shaquille O'neal), you also made it in a league that has not just tall people, but giant freaks of genetics. So I wanted to honor the Lilliputian Heroes of the Hardwood today. Without further ado, my list of the top 6 players under 6 feet in the NBA today.
6. Ty Lawson 5'11&1/4
Lawson burst into the NBA with a bang last year and was a very important contributor on a contending playoff team. He was able to shoot the ball well from the field and from deep and provided instant offense off the bench for Denver last year. I'd bet my bottom dollar that the T-Wolves would like to have the trade back and that they would send Jonny Flynn to the Nuggets if they knew then what they know now, but alas, David Kahn is their GM. Lawson has been a winner since college and it looks like he will continue to do nicely for himself as a pro.
5. Nate Robinson 5'7&3/4
Somebody explain to me how a man this close to the ground can average 12 points for his NBA career. Oh, I remember, because he is a freak of nature that can probably jump as high as anyone in the league when average by vertical jump. At the pre-draft camp he jumped 43.5 inches vertically, which is just insane. We all know about the Slam Dunk championships, including the last one he won by default in what had to be the worst slam dunk contest in the history of the event. In fact I would wager there were better Dunk Contests staged in the back yards of white kids with adjustable hoops the very day of that failed event. What many don't know is that Nate is also a very solid outside shooter, a decent defender, especially when height is taken into account, and can be one of the more streaky and explosive players in the league when given regular playing time.
4. Raymond Felton 5'11&1/2
Raymond is probably the worst athlete on this list, but he has made a career out of being a solid, if unspectacular point guard. He is a solid defender who uses his short, sturdy body to keep offensive players out of the paint. He is a pretty good play maker and generally unselfish, despite his bad teammates. We'll so how his stats jump due to D'Inflation (nod to Bill Simmons' concept that Mike D'Antoni's system inflates players stats), but either way, he has had a nice little, no pun intended, career that may blossom in the Big Apple.
3. Jameer Nelson 5'11
To me Jameer radiates Short Man Syndrome as well as anyone in the league. He always seems like if you crossed him, he might be willing to pull out a shiv and stick it in your bladder. I'm sure he's nice as hell, but boy does he look mean. Nelson has proven his college critics wrong time and again, being an integral part of the Magic's recent run of success. He's a little more 2 guard than pure point, but he's such an effective shooter and screen-roll player that he fits in really well into the Magic offense. Also, his mid range jumper seems to me to be one of the best in the game.
2. Aaroon Brooks 5'10&1/2
Brooks is another guy who pro scouts had a lot of doubts about on drafty day, but he has also proven them wrong. Brooks is an excellent outside shooter and overall scorer. Like Jameer Nelson, his play making skills are somewhat lacking, but he more than makes up for it with his scoring punch. He is also a pesky little gnat on defense, like any short man should be. Additionally, he just has great hair and looks like a 10 year old with a goatee, which makes me like him and want to pet him.
1. Chris Paul 5'11&3/4
You may have fooled the others Chris Paul, but you don't fool me. You ain't 6 feet. What you are though, is one of the best 10 players and, when healthy, bar none the best point guard in the league. I'm not going to bore you with a bunch of stats to back that up, so I'm just going to tell you to watch the games. Paul is simply amazing and is a joy to watch, unless he is showing you an explosion of Napoleon Complex by punching you in the crotch like he did to Julius Hodge whilst in college. And yes, that is a picture of the crotch punching incident.
So continue fighting the good fight little men of the world. These are your heroes.
PS. I took that photo of Mark Eaton at the Paul McCartney concernt. Pretty good, huh?
