With the summer months now trickling in upon us, we’re officially in the sports doldrums. There will be no football for another two months (and if you’re an NFL fan, maybe none even then), with basketball and hockey soon on their way out too. It doesn’t help that there won’t be a World up, Olympics or any “Decisions,” to occupy our time and the airwaves this summer either. So what the heck is a sports fan to do? Actually watch baseball? Say it ain’t so!

This is especially true at the Worldwide Leader in Sports, ESPN, where to be quite frank I don’t know what they’re going to broadcast in the coming months. Sure there’s that dreaded old man's game, baseball, and then what? Billiards? Poker? Canadian skeet shooting? No, no, and please…NO!

Either way it’s clear that it’s time for ESPN to look into some original programing, and thankfully, I’m here to help.

Here are 10 TV show ideas from me to ESPN, to get them through the summer months…

Is Les Miles Smarter Than A Fifth Grader

In this spin-off of the hit TV show, “Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?” 10-year-olds from all over America come together to prove once and for all, if they are in fact smarter than LSU head football coach Les Miles.

Hosted by Jeff Foxworthy (because honestly, what else does he have going on?), the fifth graders match wits with the Mad Hatter, in a handful of categories including, Earth Science, fractions, modern American history and US geography. The show consists of two rounds of 10 questions each, with those questions ranging in difficulty from “If Patrick Peterson returns two punts, then gets injured and Terrence Tolliver returns the next three, what percentage of punts did Peterson return?” to “What is the capital city of Oklahoma?”

Each day’s winner will receive a monthly supply of Skittles, as well as an all-expenses paid trip to a Baton Rouge area Chuck-E-Cheese’s. Regardless of whether it is Miles or the fifth grader that actually wins.

Airing Monday through Friday, 6:00 p.m. EST on ESPN2

$h*! Lou Holtz Says

In this gripping, one hour weekly reality-drama, 10 of America’s best court stenographers get together to match wit and skill, under the cruelest of conditions: As Hall of Fame football coach and ESPN announcer Lou Holtz reads to them.

Over the course of the show, Holtz will read two, one paragraph excerpts from his autobiography “Wins, Losses and Lessons,” as each stenographer has 30 seconds to pick through Holtz’s lispy tone and airborne saliva, and translate what was said, into actual, readable English. Each week the typist with the worst translation is sent home, until we are left with just one.

(Alternative, less catchy show name: “America’s Next Top Stenographer”) no comments

This Saturday the USMNT takes on Spain on ESPN.  While everyone, outside of Spanish fans, wants them to come out on top, I just do not want them to come out looking like fools.  To be perfectly honest, I would be happy with a 3-0 US loss.  However, the Gold Cup begins just three days following the Spain friendly.  The team needs to perform and perform well in the CONCACAF Championship, despite the fact that the CONCACAF region currently seems to be imploding upon itself.  However, critics should measure the success of each player in different ways.

For the keepers --typically the USMNT's deepest position-- Gold Cup success is probably the easiest to judge.  Starter Tim Howard needs to first and foremost not get injured.  Secondly, he should not give up more than four goals during the group stages.  His primary backup Marcus Hahnemannneeds to keep the bench nice and warm, because Howard is the key to the team's success. The third keeper, Nick Rimando, was picked, but is not going to even go to the practices unless Howard or Hahnemann gets injured, needs to stay in Utah to help a struggling Real Salt Lake team.

Being as we usually judge success on the offensive end with goals, assists, and nice runs, and on the defensive end with clean-sheets and saves, it is difficult to assess the performance of individual defenders. Overall, the group should let up no goals within the first 35 minutes of the  game, something that the team has struggled to do under Bob Bradley’s watch. They should also keep at least one clean-sheet in the group stages. no comments

Speedway, Ind. -- What will the next century of the Indianapolis 500 be like? If today's 100th anniversary running of the Greatest Spectacle in Racing was any indication, they'll be unbelievable.

As a game of fuel strategy Russian roulette played out in the final laps, J.R. Hildebrand found himself leading as a rookie with Panther Racing and took the white flag. He made it through three turns on the final lap. 

He didn't make it through the final one. Coming upon the lapped car of Charlie Kimball, Hildebrand tried to pass him on the outside but got caught in the marbles on the high groove and skidded into the wall to the shock and disbelief of all in attendance. As the Californian skidded along the wall, Dan Wheldon chased him down and passed him on the front stretch to claim his second Indianapolis 500 victory. 

INDYCAR reviewed the finish to see if Wheldon had passed Hildebrand before the yellow caution lights came on. It took eight seconds between the crash and the light coming on, but Wheldon nonetheless made the pass. Panther Racing did not file a protest.  no comments

The Gold Cup roster is out and there are at least a few mild shocks.  Teal Bunbury –who would definitely have made the Canadian team– and Timmy Chandler are lacking from the roster.  It is also a bit surprising that we are seeing Real Salt Lake’s Nick Rimando instead of MSV Duisburg’s David Yelldell.  Omar Gonzalez is still MIA from the US roster for major tournaments. Robbie Rogers, coming off a strong start to his MLS season with the Columbus Crew, earned a surprise call up.   Even Chris Wondolowski snuck on the list ahead of Bunbury, Herculez Gomez, and Edson Buddle.  However, the one shock that sent viral insanity through the Twitterverse is the news that Freddy Adu is back! [fontofficeblogs]

For the record, I am obsessed with Freddy Adu.  When he was 14, I thought that he was going to be the American Pele.  Those expectations would be unrealistic for Lionel Messi, let alone Freddy Adu.  For the past few years, really since the 2009 Gold Cup, Adu has been lost in the soccer wilderness.  Over a year ago, I wrote a long piece about him,where I tracked his faltered growth.  Much of his not living up to his potential was an overabundance of hype for a 14 year-old, which left him lacking a chance to really grow. no comments

It was Easter Sunday.  Since the rest of my family was out of town, my dad and I decided to go watch a Mariners game at Safeco Field. Unfortunately, we were treated to an ugly and excruciating experience, however, it was rewarding in the end.  I’ll elaborate. But, there were a few things I noticed about the fans and the atmosphere that indicate losing baseball. Eleven exactly.

The first negative aspect of a losing franchise was made apparent as my Dad and I walked up to the park ticketless looking to find cheap and decent seats.  The fact that we could walk up to a stadium with no tickets and fully expect that we could find tickets at a fair price is the first characteristic of losing fan base.

Before crossing Dave Niehaus Way, we encountered a scalper and instead of brushing him off like my dad usually does, he changed his mind and talked to the him.  The scalper offered us $40 tickets in section 124 right behind the Mariners’ dugout. After negotiating, his “final offer” was $35 a ticket. My dad then used his ultimate bargaining ploy:  “Can’t we just walk down and sit in these seats anyway?” he asked. The scalper responded, “Man, everybody asks me that, but you can’t do that with these seats.” The second characteristic of a losing fan base is that fans assume that because their team sucks and everyone says no one is going to the games, that they can sneak into expensive seats by paying for cheap ones.  And they try it. no comments

 

“Far too much snarky, smart ass cynicism on blogs/social media posing as genuine wit. Obvious. Not constructive. Now cue smart ass replies.”

That quote came Sunday afternoon, from the Twitter account of ESPN TV personality Chris Fowler. And to quote Peter Griffin in an old episode of Family Guy, “Oww…my pride.”

It’s no secret that yes; I am in fact a blogger. I write about sports on this website, because I love to write, love sports, and quite frankly, this was the best avenue to combine both those passions. I might not be good at it, and my opinion might not be any more valid than the Starbucks barista down the street with a tattoo running across his face. But much like Fowler, you, a million other people on this Earth, I work hard, and take great deal of pride in everything that goes up on this site.

Which is why that one, innocuous Tweet hurt so much. Who knew 140 characters could do so much psychological damage?

Now before I go any further, let me be clear and say this isn’t a personal attack on Fowler. I like him. Actually, I really, really like him. He’s smart, insightful and professional, and like a great point guard, always seems to know when to take over on set, and when to defer to everyone else. Understand that College Gameday is popular because America loves college football. But it’s more popular because of Chris, Kirk, Lee, Dez and Erin.

And for the record, I do understand where Fowler is coming from. Whether it’s through social media, message boards, blogs or whatever, there are a lot of cruel people out there. A lot of people with nothing better to do than spit out negative, ignorant and insensitive comments. What their motive is, I will honestly never know. no comments

 
It is rare when a stadium is as big a part of a game as the game itself. Rarely do the best MLS games end up on ESPN (well ESPN2, but close enough).  It is a rarity that the highflying, physical games that make me a fan of the league end up as the games that are featured nationally.  Yet somehow, all these rarities ended up added up into a reality.  Granted, the game was on at 11:00 PM EST, but if you caught this game, and did not become a fan then there is probably something wrong with you.

The atmosphere was absolutely electric.  While Portland may not match Seattle on Designated Players, or wins, they may just have the best sounding fans in MLS.  Instead of having a b-list singer belting out the National Anthem, the Portland fans sang the song.  While it may have partially been about not paying a singer to sing, it was also a moving moment for the Rose City, which had been clamoring for an MLS team since the North American Soccer League left in 1982.

From there, the cheering did not stop all night and unlike some supporters, the groups did more than just scream the name of the team repeatedly.  They chanted chants, they sang songs, they taunted players, and officials.  They truly were a twelfth man on the field throughout the game.

Then there was the game itself.  In the eighteenth minute, Kenny Cooper had a goal disallowed on yet another bad call by the referees.  Yet that did not stop the Timbers from plowing on with goals in the 28^th and 38^th minutes.  Then they struck again just after halftime in the 47^th minute. no comments

 

Seasonal depression is a real thing. Unfortunately for me, it isn’t after the 23rd snowstorm of the winter in February, but instead after the Final Four in the middle of April.

As I’ve mentioned many times, I tend to love all sports, and can find an excuse to watch just about anything involving a bat, ball or racquet. Well, as long as Joe Buck and Tim McCarver aren’t announcing it anyway.

But really, college football and college basketball are where I’ll always make my hay. They’re the sports I grew up around, the sports I delve the deepest into, the sports that I truly love. Don’t get me wrong, I like the NBA and MLB. But I love college football and college basketball. More than my own family, actually.

And it’s for those reasons, why I always end up with seasonal depression this time of year. Starting in August I immerse myself in those two sports, read every relevant article, pick the brains of friends, follow the teams and players, and then… mid-April hits, and in the snap of a finger, it’s all over. I even wrote an article on this exact subject last year. It really is a bummer.

Now before I go any further, understand that just because college basketball and college hoops are done, doesn’t mean this website will shut down. Quite the opposite actually. I hope to dig a little deeper into the spring football scene, and honestly, as long as there are interesting things going on in the NBA and baseball (which there always will be), I’ll be writing about them too. If you guys should’ve learned anything by now, it’s that I’m one opinionated S.O.B. And as long as there are opinions to be had, I will be sharing them. Whether you like it or not. no comments

 
This year's Masters produced one of the most thrilling final rounds in tournament history.  With Tiger 2.0 contending but falling short, Rory McIlroy literally bursting into flames, and largely anonymous Charl Schwartzel's victory, the 2011 Masters had a little something for everybody.  And, with a frantic final nine featuring several golfers with a chance to win, the impact on the Masters TV ratings was sure to reflect one of the most exciting tournaments in recent memory.   Sure enough, preliminary ratings for Sunday's final round placed it as the second-highest in the last 10 years, right behind Tiger's comeback tournament last year.

Certainly, a large part of the credit goes to Mr. Woods for being the most reliable ratings draw in all of sports.  Even as the only American golfer in the Top 10 for much of the day, ratings were still high throughout as a foreign invasion battled golf's greatest force of nature.  So, the question can be asked, is Tiger alone responsible for Sunday's high rating?  Is golf healthy as long as Tiger Woods is in contention?  Do young American golfers need to start competing with the international superstars who have dominated the last four majors?

As Sports Media Watch points out, the 2011 Masters was the 3rd highest in the last 15 years among those not won by Woodrow.  Certainly Tiger being in contention helped ratings a great deal.  One only has to look at the 2010 PGA Championship, when Tiger wasn't in contention, to see how ratings can plummet without El Tigre stalking the pack.  In fact, in last year's victory by German Martin Kaymer, ratings took a 33% hit from the previous year, when Y.E. Yang upset Woods and the world hadn't been introduced to Tiger's many mistresses, a much simpler time for us all, I'm sure.  It's safe to say if it were Gary Woodland or Steve Marino making the Sunday charge at Augusta, ratings definitely wouldn't have been as high for this year's Masters.   no comments

 

It's late Sunday afternoon here, and southern Japan's kind of surreal at the moment.  A beautiful, early Spring day that belies the hideous events going on to the north of the country. 
 Even as life seems to be almost normal down here, there's still a pall of horror over the southern communities.  There's the convoys of military vehicles heading north... the charity work underway to get necessary clothes, food, daily-needs goods north - mostly organised by volunteer groups utilizing mobile phone chat services to get their message out.  There's the very deep national grief that's growing by the hour as reports come in of the dead, the destroyed, and the devastation that northern Japan has faced... and the fear that worse might be yet to come via the nuclear plants in Fukushima. 

And there are even stories of criminal elements trying to cash in on the national efforts, masquerading as charity workers asking for donations. 

46, a guy who sometimes writes here (mad Orlando fan), lives in Fukushima.  He's ok, and has evacuated south to a city in a safer area.

The media here in Japan's generally calm, and lacking the sensational elements that CNN and Fox have had, along with their counterparts all over the world (for me, particularly Australia).  The government have been pretty good with getting information out, if you know where to look.  Noriyuki Shikata has been excellent - distributing news via twitter.  He is the Deputy Cabinet Secretary for Public Relations, Director of Global Communications at Prime Minister's Office of Japan.  As mentioned before, Al Jazeera and BBC are pretty good too.
Rescue specialists from all over the world are starting to arrive to help with the recovery process. no comments