What's wrong with sports talk radio? EVERYTHING
I have a major problem with sports talk radio. It's a boring, rote, banal format which has given us the guy above...
and this ass clown...
And this waste of airwaves staffed by clowns.
I remember when I was first exposed to sports talk radio years ago when the format hit Detroit in the early 90's. It was an oasis for sports fans. 24 hours a day of talking sports? COOL! But it was all downhill from there. A race to the lowest common denominator listener.
Today? You have to wade through hours of insipid commentary before you accidentally run into something thought provoking. Sports talk radio is little more than a aural lobotomy. A headache inducing waste of time.
I have 15 reasons why.
1. Man talk: I do not want to hear a 30 minute discussion about your favorite Halloween candy or your most embarrassing date. I couldn't care less about what you watched on TV last night (even more so if it's something as lame as "Dancing with the Stars," "X-Factor" or "American Idol"), if your softball team won, that time you drank too much in college, or that you think Lindsay Lohan is a hot skank. Even worse, when these topics are brought up, every yahoo with access to a Tracfone feels the need to call in and tell an equally boring story.
"There was this one time....I got candy corn for Halloween! I didn't eat it. Did you?"
And by the way,
2. Extending "man talk" into controversial topics: DO. NOT. GO. THERE.
I use sports as a reason to get away from such polarizing topics. I'd think most sports fans feel similarly. I'm not in the mood to hear hosts, and especially set in their often radical belief callers, spew their venom (either pro or con) over health care, the occupy phenomenon, the latest city of Detroit scandal, Congress, or whatever may be the hot news story when I'm just tuning in to chill and hear the latest about the Lions.
Don't. Just...don't. My blood pressure will thank you.
3. Hosts who know jack about sports: This is a line I actually heard spoken on-air.
"If the Tigers signed Jose Reyes, he'd hit 2 inside the park home runs a year."
Really? That's the FIRST thing that comes to mind when you are talking about the best free agent shortstop on the free agent market? Not Reyes' capabilities, how big a contract he might command or if he even FITS the Tigers' needs. The more some hosts talk, the more their lack of sports knowledge is exposed. They need to keep the old platitude in mind:
"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt."
4. Stating an opinion without all the facts (or just plain ignoring them): The platitude I mentioned above? Fits here as well.
This week on New York City sports talk radio, Mike Francesa went off on Ndamukong Suh...and didn't have a single fact correct. It happens quite often on sports talk radio, especially when talking about a national story or about an out of town team/player. I'm guessing Francesa has seen nothing of the Lions, save for a handful of clips. Didn't stop him from ripping the team and players. (I shouldn't be surprised, this is the same dumbass who thought he was being pranked when someone brought up the Tigers' Al Alburquerque) Well, it should, but it doesn't. I guess he likes coming off as a clueless moron.
Is it so hard to get the facts straight before you open your mouth? Apparently so.
5. Hosts talking over callers, and vice versa: You'll hear a "conversation" (term used for demonstration purposes only) carry on like this several times in an hour.
Host: Line 1, what do you have to say?
Caller: //dead air//
Host: Turn down your radio!
Caller: What? Can you hear me? Am I on?
Host: Yes, what's on your mind?
Caller: First time, long time! Love the show! I think the Lions should run the ball more and Backus suc...
Host: I think you ar...
Caller: ...Stafford gets hurt too...
Host: I'm trying to b...
Caller: ...Ford is chea...
Host and caller simultaneously: So Backus you sucks are at saying blocking Backus everyone sucks?
Me listening: HUH? //turns off radio//
6. All open lines, all the damn time: There's a reason most people think callers to sports talk radio stations are morons. Because the callers ARE morons. Giving mouth-breathers free reign to talk about anything on their minds (almost always to bitch about the Tigers not playing enough small ball or the Lions' Matthew Stafford-Jeff Backus-pick a name suck and should be benched) is just asking for trouble...or for obvious/dumb/lame/scary/facepalm worthy commentary.
The next time a caller says Jim Leyland needs to bunt more (giving up outs in most situation is stupid), Backus should be benched (and replace him with...WHO? If you know someone better, I'm sure the Lions would love to know!) or Matthew Stafford isn't tough enough (while they call off of work because of a hangover), I'm going mutter about the decline of western civilization and shut off the radio.
7. Caller driven radio: Let's see, what would I rather hear? The thoughts of an national writer or local beat guy who covers a team/sport 24/7 and has original opinions, or nothing but callers who get all their regurgitated information from...sports talk radio? Am I missing something here? Why is this even a question? Because it's cheaper to not pay reporters to make weekly appearances. And if there is one thing I've been made painfully aware, radio conglomerates are notorious cheap asses. When given a choice between short term profits or listenable radio creating long-term listener goodwill, you know which direction the conglomerate will go. Clear Channel is called Cheap Channel for good reason, folks.
8. "At 4:42, we'll have breaking news": Of course, it's 4:08 when they tease said news. I HATE THIS. Keep in mind odds are 100% I've already read their "breaking news" online an hour beforehand. Likely from the same, exact source as theirs; Twitter. It's the same as a TV anchor giving an update at 8:59PM saying, "We have the latest on the zombie apocalypse, news at 11!"
I spill more bile...after the jump.
9. Using unrealistic hypotheticals to drive calls: What if the Tigers sign Jose Reyes to a $20M+ a season deal? Who would you prefer as Lions' QB, Matthew Stafford or Andrew Luck? Come on, get off the laughing gas. Ridiculous hypotheticals are just that, ridiculous. Yet the only listeners who would take such outlandish questions seriously are those who tend not to have a single clue.
"Yeah, the Tigers should sign Jose Reyes to play short and Aramis Ramírez to play 3rd, make Brandon Inge the backup catcher, move Jhonny Peralta to 2nd base and then trade Ryan Raburn for a left handed starting pitcher."
Or...
"The Lions should trade up and draft Andrew Luck because Stafford sucks, then draft a left tackle to replace Jeff Backus!"
These sort of questions automatically cause callers to lose 50 IQ points...and me to move on to more productive pursuits...like blogging venomously about sports talk radio.
10. Pitting fanbases against one another: Struggling to find a topic? Expect a host to start playing Michigan and Michigan State fans off of each other. Just say MSU is the top football school in the state or Michigan is no longer elite, and the fans come out in droves to defend their school. But it's nothing more than beating a dead horse. It also brings out the wannabe comedians.
"I spoke to a Michigan/MSU grad today. He asked if I wanted fries with that."
Har-de-God-damn-har. //turns off the radio//
11. "Tough guy shtick: Callers will get belligerent over any perceived slight. It's just like an internet forum or a blog comment thread, anonymity makes everyone 5 times tougher. No, 10 times. Yet these same tough guys could meet a host in person, and would only say how much they love them. Hosts aren't any better. Insulting, yelling, goading, picking at callers like they're a scab which must be removed, all to get a reaction. Any kind of reaction.
My reaction? //turns off the radio//
12. Bits: They get old. Quickly. They stop being funny. Quickly. Stop doing them. Quickly. Boom-bye-ay my ass.
13. Commercials: For 99.9% of us, the world isn't one big Maxim Magazine/Dos Equis beer commercial, despite your station being driven by "man talk." Unfortunately, the majority of your advertisers seem to think so. No, I"m not getting divorced. I'm not going to have some bimbo charge me a stupid amount of money to cut my hair. I don't need hair replacement, thank you. Remember this the next time you pelt listeners with those silly "ADAM" divorce ads, OK?
14. In Detroit, no other sports exists besides football and occasionally, baseball:You're a fan of college basketball? You'll be ignored 11 months out of the year, until the NCAA Tournament starts. Red Wings talk? Just during the NHL playoffs, and then, only begrudgingly. The Pistons? Unless there's another "Malice at the Palace," forget it. MMA? Never heard it. NASCAR? Don't make me laugh. Unless you're a fan of the big 2 sports, you don't exist the world of sports talk radio.
15. National over local: Regardless what I may think of the majority of hosts in Detroit, listening to them is vastly superior in comparison to syndicated sports talk radio. I don't want to listen to a national show drone on about topics I don't care about...and won't ever care about. I'd rather hear Lions talk than some Yahoo/ESPN sport talk radio guy drone on about Peyton Manning's neck. When given a choice, I want to hear local hosts talk about local sports. Period. But it's cheaper to give a kid fresh out of Spec Howard less than living wages to push a button and load shows off a satellite than actually pay someone to talk Detroit sports (something I'm passionate about...Peyton Manning's neck, not so much) for 4 hours.
As you can tell, this post has been building for quite some time. It's obvious sports talk radio has been badly broken for years, with no change in sight. The question is, can it be fixed?
In today's stockholders first, listeners last climate...there's no saving it.
Sports talk radio is dead to me.
